When I was 14 or 15, I went to a boarding school. It was an ultra "Christian" boarding school in the south that was associated with Columbia Bible College. I didn't board there, because I lived in town. I'd gone to a Christian school in town all my life and I was naturally supposed to go there, and since I lived close by, they let kids from my school attend.

We were called "day students." Columbia Bible College was known for a policy of "pink and blue sidewalks." That meant that boys and girls could not fraternize or socialize or whatever term you wanted to call it. We couldn't kiss. We couldn't hug. We couldn't hold hands. We couldn't sit next to each other without getting out a fucking RULER and having six inches between the both of us. (insert six inches joke here.) Me being who I am, I tried to break the rule.

I was dating (passing notes to) a 13 year-old freshman called Sammy. We were quite chaste; however, Sammy really wanted to kiss me. We devised a plan that had our senior friend, Thomas, take us off campus. We literally hid in his car until he'd driven off, and then we got out, hung around Thomas a polite amount of time, then retired to a rock next to a river and kissed. There were two rivers after that kiss, believe me.

Sammy kissed like a 13 year-old, because, well, he was a 13 year-old. I was wet all over, except in the parts that count. The second time we kissed, he did much better. We were in the library. It was a giant, well-lit (of course) library full of religious ephemera and we casually, casually, casually strode to a well-lit, but seemingly private, spot behind the stacks. Giant bookcases surrounded us, and we got up the nerve again to kiss. No drool was wasted; the kiss was mildly memorable. (Remember, I'm trying to tell the truth. Sorry, Sammy.)

What was Truly Memorable was the fact that his entire freshman floor in his dorm was in a bus waiting for him outside en route to a Junior Varsity football game. And the library was not only well-lit, but had no window treatments. His whole class was watching 13-on-15 year-old kissing porn. We were summarily put on "social restriction," (meaning we could not speak to each other or write to each other, etc.) "indefinitely."

I still have one of the posters that were put up all over campus. It was humiliating day-to-day at school. It irreparably damaged our relationship that year; we parted ways, and, ultimately, schools, six months afterwards. We slept together 11 years later.

A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers..... .....

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"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's high on cocaine!"